Announcer: 0:02

If you're a whiny snowflake that can't handle the truth, is offended by the word fuck and about 37 uses of it in different forms gets ass hurt. When you hear someone speak the absolute, real and raw truth, you should leave Like right now. This is Shut Up and Choose, the podcast where we cut through the shit and get real about weight loss, life and everything in between. We get into the nitty-gritty of making small, smart choices that add up to big results. From what's on your plate to how you approach life's challenges. We'll explore how the simple act of choosing differently can transform your health, your mindset and your entire freaking life. So if you're ready to cut through the bullshit and start making some real changes, then buckle up and shut up, because we're about to choose our way to a healthier, happier life. This is Shut Up and Choose. Let's do this Now. Your host, jonathan Ressler.

Jonathan: 1:15

Good morning Vietnam. For those of you who are old enough to remember that movie, you'll know what I'm talking about. For those of you who aren't will think I'm absolutely insane, which is true. I just always wanted to say that every time I see a microphone. So now I said it. So welcome back to this episode of Shut Up and Choose, where today we're going to talk about the difference between discipline and desire.

Jonathan: 1:42

I think that certainly for anybody who's ever been on a traditional diet or really who's tried to accomplish anything, everybody says, well, you have to be disciplined. I mean the first thing that requires discipline and that, you know, for a lot of people certainly for me, that's kind of a turnoff, like, oh, I have to make this huge commitment to be disciplined. And discipline is like, wow, I don't know if I want to. You know I don't. I want to be disciplined, but I don't know if I want to. You know I don't. I want to be disciplined but I don't know if I can be disciplined. And I really thought about that. It kind of as it relates to dieting and that's that's kind of a negative connotation, right Like I have to be disciplined, I have to be careful what I do I have to be thinking about this all the time and that, you know, I don't know, I don't believe that that's the best way for a person to get in the right headspace and the right mindset for embarking on like a journey, you know, and this is a journey. Losing weight is a journey. You know, it's not a straight line, it's kind of all over the place and you're always moving around. And I really started thinking about what motivated me and sure, it was my goal to be around, to be alive, you know, because I had a pretty extreme goal but what really kind of kept me on track the whole time was my desire to have a better life. And I started to think about that and and what it means and kind of the differences between desire and discipline. And you know, a lot of times when we're on a weight loss journey, a diet or whatever it is you're doing, but let's talk specifically about weight loss for right now.

Jonathan: 3:04

But weight loss is kind of often seen as this battle of willpower, right, where discipline reigns supreme. You know, I got to be disciplined or I can't do this thing. So discipline, discipline, discipline. And that's kind of an overwhelming, you know, kind of I don't know kind of overwhelmed me all the time, like I got to be disciplined and I got to give all this stuff up. And I don't know kind of overwhelm me all the time, like I got to be disciplined, I got to give all this stuff up, and I don't know the word discipline when it came to weight loss really kind of set me, kind of hit me in the wrong way.

Jonathan: 3:32

But what if there was a way that we could make desire the key to success on your weight loss journey? So why don't we? I guess I did some research. So if you hear some notes shuffling in the background, I had to write some stuff down because I wanted to get it right when it comes to this.

Jonathan: 3:53

So let's start out by you know, the dictionary definition of discipline is discipline is the ability to control one's actions, emotions or desires through self-restraint and willpower. Orderly or prescribed conduct of pattern of behavior. I don't know, man, that that that sounds pretty harsh to me. It's like you know, it's got to be orderly and it's got to control my actions and I have to use self-restraint and willpower. And I'm not saying those things aren't useful in a weight loss journey. Of course they are right there. I mean, I guess to some extent they're really important. But that whole idea of discipline, it involves adhering to this strict diet or a crazy exercise regimen and resisting every temptation and kind of maintaining that consistently and that's not really life to me.

Jonathan: 4:45

When I talked last week about real goals, the L was livable. I mean it's got to be livable. You're just not going to do it. I mean you're going to do it for a week or a month or even a year. You know, I mean you may do it, but sooner or later you're going to hit a roadblock, you're going to make a mistake and you think, oh shit, I blew my whole diet. Now I got to start from the beginning. We talked about that. Of course your good choice count. Uh, counter does not go back to zero.

Jonathan: 5:12

But that whole idea of discipline, you know, I don't know it just doesn't work for me. It never did and I think it's. I truthfully, I think it's like one of the biggest um things that keep people from doing a diet, a traditional diet, which keeps people from succeeding. And remember, I believe that the weight loss industry is built on failure. Right, they don't want you to succeed. They want you to succeed for a while, but then they want you to fail so you have to come back and give them more money. So I mean, this one can definitely give you short term results, but it can also kind of lead you feelings like a deprivation. I'm like shit, what am I doing, man? This sucks Everybody's out doing this or eating this, or all my friends are going out and having fun and eating and I'm not. And if eating is fun to you it always was for me Makes you think about restriction and, truthfully, you kind of get burnt out on that discipline over the long term, you know.

Jonathan: 6:01

So it's got to be kind of balanced in my mind. And then when you flip it over to the other side of the coin, you have desire. So the dictionary definition of desire is a conscious impulse towards something that promises enjoyment or satisfaction in its attainment. Wow, hey, that sounds a hell of a lot better to me and truthfully, like I said, I never had a number or a specific goal in mind. I knew that I wanted to be healthy and I knew and I still know, and I believe it today and it drives me today is that I want to be healthy. That's my desire is to be healthy. I don't want to have to use this strict discipline to get there.

Jonathan: 6:37

I have desire to be healthy and you know goddamn well, when you try to, when you have something that you really desire, you do a lot of stuff to achieve that desire. You want a new car? You figure out a way to get it done. You want to buy a little bigger house? You figure out a way to get it done. You want to meet that girl or guy? You figure out a way to get it done.

Jonathan: 6:57

So desire, to me, is so much more powerful than discipline. I mean, discipline just sounds like you know the military and you're going to do it this way. And here's my, and that's what a traditional diet is right. Here's the meal plan, here's how you do it. Now go do it this way, because this is the way.

Jonathan: 7:14

But that's not realistic for people. People find a way to get the things and do the things and make the accomplishments that they desire. I mean so desire is a really powerful, powerful driver, I believe, on a weight loss journey, and that, you know, kind of brings me to this. Now I'm going to sound like I'm really smart, but I'm not. But that brings me to Freud's pain pleasure principle or pleasure pain principle, I don't remember. Wow, that is a freaking tongue twister. Freud's pleasure-pain principle. There we go.

Jonathan: 7:48

So anyway, freud said that people make decisions for only two reasons. You break a decision down to its most basic, basic, basic element. There are only two reasons people make decisions. It's number one To avoid pain, or number two, to increase pleasure. That's it. I mean, those are the core elements of everything we decide in this life. So, like to me, eating kale or other shit, I don't like pain.

Jonathan: 8:15

Getting up early and going to the gym, pain, starving myself, pain, meal prepping pain, measuring or weighing out you know the food that I'm going to eat, pain. Fasting, definitely pain. Cutting out carbs or limiting my food choices, making things you know that I can't eat, pain, ultimately, you know, kind of breaking the diet or falling off a diet plan, pain. So that's a lot of pain that's associated with traditional diets and I believe that avoiding pain is probably even more powerful than finding pleasure. But when I do things like eating whatever I choose, pleasure, eating whatever I choose, pleasure, the ability to make the next decision is smart. When, even if the last one was idiotic, pleasure and absolutely impossible to fail on my weight loss journey, which is the way I do it Absolute pleasure.

Jonathan: 9:13

So, in the context of weight loss, desire kind of has encompasses that emotional connection to your goal. Right, it's the emotional stuff it's like. For me it was. I definitely wanted to see a healthier me and that allowed me to have that kind of inner motivation to get it done. Because I was going to a pleasurable place. I wasn't thinking about, oh man, this is so hard, this is such a pain in the ass. No, I was thinking, man, imagine how good I'm going to feel when I get there, Imagine how big this accomplishment is in the scheme of things. And that was really, really powerful to me.

Jonathan: 9:51

So, unlike discipline, which you know is totally focused on self-control, desire taps into that power and that passion and that enjoyment. And this should be enjoyable. It shouldn't be hard, it shouldn't be a torture chamber for you. It shouldn't be hard, it shouldn't be a torture chamber for you. It should be an enjoyable journey, you know, and when it's enjoyable and when it's not torture and there's no pain associated with off it, because there's nothing to go off, I just make those consistent, small, smart choices Like, for example, last night I went out, I wanted to try this new burger place and someone told me it sucked.

Jonathan: 10:40

So you know me, being who I am, I had to go check it out and see. Turned out it was really good. So this guy's food choices or food recommendations are now in the shithouse. But anyway, the French fries looked really good and I'm not going to tell you the smart choice wouldn't have been to not have the French fries, but I decided to have the French fries because you know what, that's the choice that I'm making at that moment and I ate the French fries. I didn't eat all of them, but I ate most of them, I'll tell you. And it was a pretty big helping of French fries, but I ate them and I felt great. And this morning when I got up, I just happened to weigh myself yesterday and I wanted to just see what would happen today and I was down a half a pound, so I didn't blow my diet. I made my journey easy and enjoyable.

Jonathan: 11:25

I can eat whatever I want to eat, anytime I choose to eat it. And that's really how this thing is so powerful, why it's so much more powerful than a traditional diet. I mean, we've said this before, but traditional diets are about, you know, discipline and self-control and willpower, those things shouldn't be involved in your eating. It should be about pleasure. It should be about sometimes you eat the bad shit, that's okay, but most of the time you're making smart choices that help you get closer to your goal. I mean, to me it's so uncomplicated and so simple and so easy.

Jonathan: 12:06

And I've always said I never tell you anything you don't know. You know what to eat. I don't have to tell you. Eat four ounces of grilled chicken, skinless and boneless, with two ounces of kale and some string beans. I mean, I'd shoot myself in the head if that's what I had to eat. Yeah, don't get me wrong, I would eat that if that's what I choose to eat.

Jonathan: 12:28

But you know, choosing to eat kale not going to happen for me, although I really don't hate kale if it's done right. But you know I don't eat a salad for dinner. That's not my, that's not. I choose not to eat that. I eat things that I like and that satisfy me and that, you know, I have no guilt. I really feel no guilt. When I eat a dessert, none, I feel. No, you know, I don't feel deprived if I eat grilled chicken and vegetables None, because I know tomorrow or for dinner or whatever, for any meal, I can eat whatever I want, but right now, for this meal, I choose to focus on my goal, which is to be healthier and lose weight and be more fit and do all the things that matter to me, and that's my choice for that meal.

Jonathan: 13:16

And you know what? My small smart choices far outweigh my fall, my small stupid choices. So I don't know how to make it more complicated than that. I mean, you're allowed to eat. You cannot go through your life without having pleasure. A diet equals pain. A method of eating that allows you to eat whatever you want whenever you want is all about pleasure. It's a simple, simple process that allows you to eat whatever you want whenever you want is all about pleasure. It's a simple, simple process.

Jonathan: 13:51

So I don't want to dwell on discipline, but I think there's just a couple things that I need to say. One is I'm not saying discipline doesn't work and it's not important. It doesn't work long term. That's what I'm saying. And it makes you feel kind of. You know, gives you a lot of negative consequences in your weight loss journey. I mean like strict rules and rigid workout routines and I have to go to the gym and work out for two hours four days a week. I mean that stuff doesn't work for me and I don't think it works for most people who are trying to lose weight. Now, there are people who absolutely love the gym and they get pleasure from that, and great. You then do it. By all means, you should do it. But for people who look at working out as a chore, as something they have to do on this weight loss journey, it's pain, right. So why do it?

Jonathan: 14:39

And a lot of times you know, when you make these strict rules for yourself I can't eat carbs, or I can't eat between these hours, or I can can't do this, or I can't do that because that's what my diet says that leads to like feelings of guilt, right, like if I blow it, if I eat early, when I'm intermittent fasting, I feel like, oh man, I blew the diet. Or if I eat a piece of bread, oh man, I blew the whole diet. And the truth is you didn't blow the diet, you made one choice at that moment in time. But again, if you make a bad choice, you can go right back and make the next choice a good choice. I mean people.

Jonathan: 15:18

You know when I would be on a diet and I would blow it. You know, like I would do something that I wasn't supposed to do on that diet. I would lie. I would tell people, no, no, I haven't cheated, no, I don't know why it's not working, but you know. Or like I don't understand how you're on this diet and you're not losing weight. Well, because I'm eating shit on the side and just not telling anyone. But you know, having those harsh restrictions, having that, you know, that framework that can't be bent or melded in some way, is just negative. I mean, it makes dieting very difficult and it makes you feel like you failed when you don't meet your expectations and 99 out of 100 times you're not going to meet those expectations because you can't live that way Again. It's got to be livable.

Jonathan: 16:10

Another thing that I definitely believe about discipline is when you focus on restriction and depriving yourself and not eating these things, it definitely creates an unhealthy relationship with food and even exercise. Like, for example, if you tell me I can't eat something, I want that more than anything else in the world. Yeah, I mean, it creates a really unhealthy relationship with food. There are no foods, as I've said. You've heard me say this many times there are no bad foods and there are no good foods. There's just food that nourishes you very well and food that doesn't nourish you very well at all. And you just have to pick and you have the freedom to pick that.

Jonathan: 16:54

I think that when you do a very strict diet, traditional diet, it leads to burnout. Man, I mean I burned out on a hundred diets. You know it's like I just I can't do it. You know it's just too much discipline. Like I want to eat that piece of bread or I want to eat that French fry, I want to eat that and I tell myself I'm not going to and I hold out for a while and then I eat it and then in my mind I had failed and that's not the way to be on a weight loss journey. It should be celebrating successes, tons of successes, tons of small victories that lead up to really really big results and really positive. So, on the other hand, when you're looking at this weight loss journey as something you desire, it turns it into a really positive and empowering journey. I mean like I'm empowered that I lost all this weight. It wasn't hard work. I'm empowered that I got to where I am and I'm really really positive and excited about getting even further. So when you know you tap into those kind of personal motivations and values and aspirations, it really helps you stay the course and it really helps drive you to make those smart choices. If the smart choices you know, I don't know whatever.

Jonathan: 18:12

I'm not going to talk about any more discipline because truthfully, I think discipline in a diet sucks. I think you know focus on your desires on a diet sucks. I think you know focus on your desires, find out or really think about the things that make you happy, the place that you want to go to be healthy. And really, at the end of the day, I think the ultimate goal for everyone whether you need to lose five pounds, 50 pounds, 150 pounds, whatever it is the ultimate goal is to be healthier. When you're healthier, obviously you're, you weigh less, you are happier, you're able to do more, you feel better about yourself. So, at the end of the day, the focus should not be I want to lose 50 pounds by this date. It should be I want to be healthier and I acknowledge that it's a journey and I acknowledge that it takes time and I acknowledge that it's not going to happen overnight, and all those things. When you come to realize that your desires are what drive you, much more than the things that you deprive yourself of, you'll find that this becomes much easier.

Jonathan: 19:15

I know I sure did like for me on this journey. I never looked at my choices as like a chore or anything like that. It, you know, allowed me to find joy and fulfillment and all kinds of great stuff when I was thinking about, hey, I'm eating great food, I'm eating what I want and I'm making progress toward my goal. I mean that my desire was to be alive. My desire was to be healthier, and every day I'm getting closer to or I'm not getting closer I am alive and I'm much healthier than I've ever been.

Jonathan: 19:52

So the most important or I don't know if it's the most important, but one of the most important pieces to me is when you follow your desire, when you embrace your desire. It allows you the flexibility and self-compassion to eat what you want, to forgive yourself if you eat something that's a bad food, which doesn't exist, and it really helps you kind of get this in your head and this is important that setbacks are just kind of a natural part of any weight loss or really any journey at all. I mean, there's never a straight road to your goal. There's always going to be twists and turns on the road. So if it's something you desire, I mean, I'm sure there are things that you have done in your past that you really wanted, and you started out going down one road and all of a sudden you realize whoa, whoa, wait, this is not how I'm going to get to the fastest or how I'm going to get there at all, and you change direction and you go in a little different direction. So your desires are so freaking powerful it's scary, and desire is what you need to focus on when you're on a weight loss journey.

Jonathan: 21:00

Now I get it right, and I'm not saying you shouldn't have discipline, because I know discipline and desire, the way I'm describing them kind of sound like opposing forces, but they're really not. They kind of complement each other. When you're trying, when you're on this journey only when you're on any journey If you can kind of get to a balance between the two, you know you're allowed to set realistic expectations for yourself. I'm not going to be perfect. I'm going to eat some bad shit, you know, if you believe there's such thing as bad food. So you got to kind of find that balance and set realistic expectations. You have to be, I guess, practice self-awareness which to me is being present anytime I put something in my mouth and kind of really honoring and respecting those physical, those hunger, the emotional needs that cause you to eat. I mean, we all have them. So if you say you don't have them, you're full of shit. So when you kind of mix in these moments of discipline and the consistency of kind of balancing discipline and desire, but in my opinion, focus more on desire, you'll find that that's the key to being successful, being, you know, being able to do this long term and really getting to where you want to go. I, you know, I always say this is very simple and I believe it is, and I just kind of laid out for you the way I look at discipline and desire and I never really thought about it when I was doing it. I thought about it after the fact, when I was saying, well, what really drove me? Because I wanted to discuss that on the podcast and I wanted people to know what my driving force was in all this and it was definitely desire, my strong desire to be alive and probably my stronger desire to be healthy. I wanted to have a healthy life and a healthy lifestyle so I could enjoy my life more. So that's kind of it for Now.

Jonathan: 23:04

It's time for the shameless self-promotion section. My book is available on Amazon. It's called Shut Up and Choose. Same as the podcast, the audio book will be. I'm sorry. The ebook will be out sometime this week and I have an audio book that I'm in the process of recording now. So I'd love you to go out, buy the book, support my project here and also, if you buy it on Amazon, please give me a review. It helps. It helps to move me up the charts. And that's it for today. So with that I will say shut up and choose, you've been listening to shut up and choose.

Announcer: 23:47

Jonathan's passion is to share his journey of shedding 130 pounds in less than a year without any of the usual gimmicks no diets, no pills and we'll let you in on a little secret. No fucking gym, and we'll let you in on a little secret. No fucking gym, and guess what? You can do it too. We hope you enjoyed the show. We had a fucking blast. If you did, make sure to like, rate and review. We'll be back soon, but in the meantime, find Jonathan on Instagram at JonathanWrestlerBocaRaton. Until next time, shut up and choose.